I was born in California,  where I have lived my entire life.  I guess that makes me a true "California Girl",  I even have blond hair to match that stereotype.  Unfortunately I can't surf and I am  fairly uncoordinated.

My parents,  Bud and Irene Drake raised me in a Christian home with great Christian influence.  My father was a pastor of a small church for most of my life. To say my upbringing was strict is probably an understatement.  We went to church 3-4 times a week growing up and back then, my siblings and I did not really appreciate it so much.  As is with most young people we thought church was BORING and being a Christian was prohibitive.

While my older sister chose not to conform 100% to the Christian stereo type (yes those were fun years!)  I chose to "lay low" and be the model Christian daughter.  I went to church, knew all the hymns,  knew my scriptures and did no wrong.  I did not smoke, drink, dance, cuss or smoke.    God even  blessed with a strong singing voice and I often sang in church, Yep,  I was a good girl.  

As I grew older and got out on my own,  I determined that the God I grew up really wasn't anyone that interested me much and I decided church was not that important in my life and I put religion on the shelf.   I always felt God was important but..... I could always touch bases here and there and get back to him when I needed him.  So.. I sowed my wild oats a bit,  not much,  but a bit.  However, I did visit church occasionally to do my duty,  I even sang some heartfelt, endearing tunes for the congregation that brought people to tears.  But my heart was not truly there,  God was not important in my life,  I did not need him yet.   

Interestingly enough,  even with out God in my life,  life was good to me.  I always had good work and somehow stumbled into a great career and a wonderful marriage.  I met my husband Hugo in 1989 when we both worked at RE/MAX,  he was looking for a real estate assistant at the time,  I applied and got the job !!

Nearly a year later a romance blossomed (a hidden romance,  after-all it's not good to date co-workers you know) and years later after a bizarre courtship we were married.   

He was Seventh Day Adventist (SDA) and I was more from a Assembly of God background so our denominational differences were great.  He believed in keeping the Saturday Sabbath,  I did not.   The SDA churches were conservative,  my church was loud, full of hand clapping, raising of hands and alter calls.  His family were partial vegetarians,  my family were brazen pork eaters.  The list could go on and on, but fortunately,  neither of us really cared because we were not really "into church" so...no big deal.   I still did not need God,  he was still on my shelf.

Our marriage has been great,  the early years always had adjustments but we were very happy together,  we were business partners, best friends and he was and is the love of my life.   Our business flourished,  we were doing well financially,  we were able to buy all the things we wanted,  we drove wonderful cars and we took terrific vacations to exotic locations.  By everyone standards we were fortunate and happy too.  

Finally,  about 3-4 years into our marriage,  I decided it was time for a baby.  After-all, we had everything else and our marriage was good.  Hugo and I sat down yearly to discuss our goals together,  so when I was about 30 I said to Hugo,  "By the time I am 32 I want to have a baby".  Even though he was not overcome by a paternal urge,  he said "Okay" and we stopped birth control.  Pretty much I expected to get pregnant right away and I was excited to have a child.  

Well, my 31st birthday came and went with no pregnancy,  32 came and went with no pregnancy and I began to get a little concerned,  not overly concerned, but a little.  I began researching my cycle and reading up on what we needed to do and when to increase our odds of getting pregnant.  First I started tracking my cycle and making sure we "did the deed" on the right day (yes very romantic, I know).  But... that did not seem to work so I bought all sorts of products to help me track "d-day" better.  I bought thermometers, ovulation test predictors,  ovulation test machines, etc. etc.   

Somewhere during  my fertility quest,  I determined that if we were going to have a baby I should start going to church again.  After-all,  this baby needed a good example and so I better start getting back into church.  So......  I started the church hunt.  We needed a Saturday church for Hugo that was charismatic enough for me.  Pretty much I started the hunt alone, although my sister-in-law sometimes joined me.  If a church had potential I would take Hugo to it the following week to see what he thought. 

I visited a nice little church in Riverside, called Riverside Community Seventh Day Adventist church.  It was a sweet, small church and I liked the pastor at this church,  he seemed genuine and down to earth.  I really did not think Hugo would like it too much a little bit too small,  but I gave it a second chance anyway.  The 2nd week I went,  the pastor announced he was leaving the church, just my luck,  Oh Well, not much time lost here !! 

About six months later,  I saw a lady who went to the Riverside church and she said "Hey have you been there lately,  they have a woman preacher".  Well..... to say this intrigued me is an understatement.  In all my life I had never had a woman preacher nor had I really heard a woman preach.  So.... my sister-in-law and I revisited the church.  

Well......  the story pretty much goes..... I loved the preaching of this "woman preacher", Tami McGrew.  Her sermons were down to earth, practical for my life,  but most of all,  she made Jesus real to me,  he was not a fictional character but someone who had a plan for my life and cared about me.   I began going regularly and so did Hugo (slowly at first).  The more I got involved I got in the church,  the more he came.  Our lives started to change.  Our focus became less about money and more about things that mattered way more (God!).

Still, by the time I was 33 I was getting worried about not having a baby and after a bit of discussion I told Hugo I was going to ask the Dr. what to do.  The Doctor suggested a fertility specialist to see if anything was wrong.  I  went to the fertility Dr. for my first time alone.  I hated to bother Hugo as I figured the Dr. could simply give me a fertility pill and I would pop out a set of twins (just like on TV).  So.... the Dr.  told me WE needed to go through a series of tests to see if we had any fertility  problems, most of which insurance would cover.  We decided to take that next step and see if there was a problem.  We were off and running now with the fertility quest !

We had all sorts of tests, however the Doctor said he could not be sure if the problems that were discovered were leading to our infertility.  The problems that were discovered certainly made getting pregnant more difficult but... not impossible.  he explained that a typical couple had a 1 in 10 chance each cycle of getting pregnant,  we had 1 in 100 chance each cycle, so it was not impossible to get pregnant naturally.  Needless to say I did not like those odds. 

So... the Doctor  recommended a process called AIS,  basically where they simulate an ovulation cycle with fertility drugs and then implant sperm directly where it needs to go at the time it needs to be there (layman's terms).  I was very excited to start the treatment,  I felt all we needed was a little help from science. 

I don't think Hugo had any clue how excited I was about this or how much I really wanted this.  I played it cool.  I remember the night before my pregnancy test I got on my knees and prayed to God,  even bartered with him "I would not just go to church,  I would really give him my life,  just let me have this baby".  I rarely got on my knees to pray (sad but true) but this was important ! Unfortunately the bartering did not work,  our pregnancy test was negative.

I was discouraged but not defeated.... we continued with our fertility treatments and over the course of the next year and six months we underwent  2 more AIS treatments.  Once again,  they failed, we were not pregnant.  I was starting to feel panicked,  I was now 34 and the older I got,  the less chances we had to have our own baby.

During this time,  we continued with our church and I truly gave my life back to Christ.    People who don't have a relationship with God may find it hard to understand but... in my life where I had everything (except a baby)  I was still so empty.  My life had no purpose other than to make money,  be successful,  go on great vacations and dress well.  It was boring and meaningless.   Yes,  it was fun for a while but trust me,  it doesn't last.   

I gave my life to Christ and I was determined that God was calling me to minister to others in need and to share my story with others.   I was happy (despite the baby situation).  I started singing again and even was part of a Christian trio "In Christ".  This gave me the chance to visit people and places and share my "Good News" with others.  During this time,  I started writing my own songs.  God seemed to give me the words.  It was like a catharsis for me,  especially with the baby problem.  I could put into words what my heart felt. 

So...  Now I was 34 and we still had NO BABY.  The Dr. finally recommended a very expensive treatment to us called IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) or a "test tube baby".  This is where they take the females eggs and mans sperm and introduce them in a laboratory setting outside the body.  If they fertilize they are put back into the mother in hopes she becomes pregnant.  Unfortunately,  our insurance did not cover it and it was going to cost $12,000-$15,000 dollars for one try.   After some discussion, Hugo and I decided to "Go For it"  our chances were 48/52 in our favor so we started the treatment.

At the time,  my thinking was.... I am a good Christian now,  our marriage is strong,  Hugo is going to church with me most of the time now,  everything is good order,  God will surely give me this baby, I deserve it.  I had it all planned out.   I was sure this time was it.  One thing I did not do was tell too many people about it,  infertility is a very private matter.  I did not even share it with church people,  my prayer partners or family.  This was at the time the biggest, most important thing in my life.

I remember Hugo and I going to the Dr. for the results of our pregnancy test.  We had been through a grueling month of shots in my stomach,  several different drugs,  bi-weekly Dr. visits, minor surgical procedures,  best rest and anticipation.  I had prayed about it till I could pray no more.  When the Dr. said "I'm sorry......."  I don't even remember what was said after that,  I just knew that it had not worked, another failed attempt to get pregnant. 

Hugo and I held hands as we walked out of the Dr's office and the tears were falling.  I felt so sad, so depressed and very mad at God.  How could this be fair?  After-all,  a girl at the office just aborted her baby,  another was having an unexpected pregnancy with her boyfriend,  How could this be fair?   Why does God do bad things to good people?  

I remember calling my mom and sobbing.  I was so depressed.  This was not like me at all.  I am usually very upbeat,  positive,  don't cry too much and very together.  But I cried a lot by myself.  I cried a lot in the car,  I cried a lot at night.  I was so sad.

We decided to try it again.  My husband was very supportive but I must admit I felt guilty about the cost,  like maybe I was selfish .  So... just two months later we decided to give IVF another try.  3 days before the treatments were supposed to begin a bombshell landed at work. 

We received a notice that our company was picked for a random audit.   Since I am the owner and responsible party this was a high stress situation.  I could not possibly undergo IVF and the stress of an audit.  The audit was postponed for 3 months yet.... I still did not want to be stressed during my IVF,  I was concerned the results would suffer.  So... we made the decision to wait on the IVF for another 6 months or so.   

After this set back,  my attitude about life went further down hill.   I was going to be 35 soon and the statistics and odds for IVF pregnancy after 35 greatly decrease.  I felt very mad at God,  this was so unfair.  At the time, I  hated owning a business, I hated work,  I was uptight with Hugo because he hated hearing me say how much I hated our business.  However,  I strongly felt that the stress of my business had always kept us from getting pregnant,  and now.... it was happening again.

Sometime maybe a month later,  after being very depressed I was driving in my car, crying (this was normal).  I had resolved that I would quit whining to friends and family about how horrible I felt because surely they were getting sick of it and really they probably did not care that much anyway.  I felt like no one could possibly understand how hopeless I felt..    I had just purchased a new Tommy Walker CD and was listening to it and I heard a wonderful song that God allowed me to hear,  the song was "He Knows My name".  The words say "he knows my name,  he knows my every thought,  he sees each tear that falls and he hears me when I call".  

Boy,  I needed to hear that,  I had honestly forgotten that no matter how horrible I was feeling someone heard my cries,  someone was hearing me call and someone cared".  At that moment I said to myself  "Okay God,  Help me through and show me what your plan is for my life.  I know you have a plan for me,  help me see what it is and if that plan does not include children give me something else to take it's place".   This was really the experience that led me to write "He has a Plan" one of the songs on my album,  "Keep the Faith".

After that day I changed,  I said,  "Okay God, show me the plan ".  I determined God would lead me if I just got started.  I also knew  that music ministry was my calling.  I was always very active in my singing groups,  choir and praise team.  During the next few months,   God gave me many of the songs on my album and I also volunteered to lead the choir at church.  I felt there was a need there and I was very excited for this new challenge.

Leading the choir was a great thing for me, I put lots of energy into being organized and into creating motivation in the choir.  Our first song was "He knows My Name".  At the time I thought the choir needed me,  I did not even realize that I needed them.   The camaraderie grew in our small group and the choir became a huge support system for me.  Our choir is great because we have a terrific prayer and share time where we support each other and minister to one another. 

Finally IVF time came around again,  it also coincided with an event at our church called "40 days of Purpose" and much of our church was reading a book called "Purpose Driven Life".   This time,  I shared my fertility problems  with my church family and choir.  They supported me so much through the whole process,  praying for me,  calling me and loving me through the whole thing.  I was not embarrassed,  just relieved to have the support. 

At the end of our 40 days of Purpose campaign,  my husband, Hugo was baptized and gave his life to the Lord.  I was surprised because he had always said that baptism was not something he would do.  I never pressed the issue because I know God has to be the one to make the change,  not me.   A week later,  we got the results of our pregnancy test -  it was positive,  I was pregnant !!

During our fertility struggle I always felt it was all about "Me" .  Why hadn't God given "me" a child,  I was a good person,  I was a Christian,  I was serving him, etc. etc.  But through our struggles,  I believe God knew that a baby has two parents and he knew that one of them was still not ready.   I think God used our struggle to bring us closer to him and teach us so much.  Sometimes the plan is not about us but God may use us or our situation as a tool to work in others.

The Story Continues ....

I thought my story was over at this point.  I figured we would have a typical labor and delivery,  our baby would be born,  the family would rejoice and we would take our darling baby home to love and adore.  Once again,  God proved to me that he had the plan and I was not the one in control.

Our baby girl,  Madison Ariel Balarezo was born August 15, 2003 at 5:06pm at Loma Linda University Medical Center.  My labor and delivery was going well.  I had entered the hospital the evening before because my water broke.  They induced labor and I had successfully made it through most of my labor,  all that was needed was for me to push the baby out.  It was going great,  I was in good spirits,  I felt strong and good.  We sent our family out to dinner because the Dr's said it would still be a few hours and I needed to get some sleep. 

Ten minutes after we sent everyone home the baby's heart rate "crashed" (went below what is safe) and suddenly my room was swarming with a team of medical professionals.  After a few attempts to revive the baby's heart rate they quickly wheeled me into emergency surgery for a C- section, leaving my husband and mother in the room in great anxiety.  By the time they made it to the operating room the baby's heart rate had revived.   I was doing okay so they allowed Hugo into the operating room to see his baby enter the world.

Despite the emergency C-section and the scare it gave us,  we were thrilled with our new baby.  She was beautiful with thick brown hair.  I had always said to Hugo "I hope the baby has hair".  Boy does she have hair !!  She was beautiful,  we were so happy,  everything seemed so perfect !!  God had given us our baby !!

While she was still in the hospital I noticed that she was having little tremors in her hands and feet,  I mentioned it to the nurse but the nurse said it was normal and that baby's sometimes shake.   Once I took her home  I continued to notice the little tremors.  Two days after she was home I took her to the Doctor again,  the Doctor said she checked out fine.  She never had her tremors around anyone but me so everyone felt I was being overly cautious,  a new mother.   So.... I took her home again and decided I was just being a worry wart.

On her fourth day home I had an appointment at the Mommy and Me clinic with the baby.  While we were in the waiting room she started having a tremor so I quickly picked her and took her to a nurse.  The nurse immediately sent me to the ER with the baby because as I suspected,  the tremors were not normal.  

Madison was admitted back into the hospital that day.  Evidently not only was she having tremors but she was also having breathing issues that we were unaware of .  I can't put into words how horrible it was for us to leave our baby back at the hospital and how helpless I felt .   I was an emotional wreck.

After contacting our family to share the bad news, the first call I made was to our music minister at church to ask him to start a prayer chain,  I remember sobbing as I shared the news with him.   I was so scared.  Hugo and I stood with my little sister praying in the parking lot of the hospital while Madison was inside having a spinal tap.   I had never felt so upset in my life. 

During that week I really learned what faith was about and what trusting God really meant.  It was much easier for me to have faith in God for my needs,  now I had to put Madison in his hands, this was harder.  Madison spent the next week and a half back in the NICU hooked up to monitors and undergoing test after test.  

Madison is now home.  She sleeps with an apnea monitor in case she has breathing problems.  The Doctors determined that she had moderate reflux which was the likely cause of her breathing issues.  They could not determine a cause for her seizures,  all her tests turned out normal.  They suspect it is just that certain nerves are underdeveloped and that she will outgrow this condition.  They are treating both issues with medications.

She has been home for several weeks now and is doing terrific !!  God answered our prayers (again) !!  She is a healthy, happy, normal baby !!  I thank God every day that she is doing well and it seems the scare is over.  With the help of our family and our church family we made it through that very difficult couple of weeks.    

I think God gave us this child to continually show us that he is in control of our lives.  The experiences have definitely humbled us and shown us the power of faith.

In closing, the thing I want to relay is that God has a plan for your life.  Your plan may not be the same as God's plan.  Sometimes it can take you years to see what the plan is,  for me it took nearly four  years and it was not how I planned it.   During the hard times,  God is preparing you,  teaching you or... maybe he is teaching someone else through you.   Perhaps you will never understand the plan but have faith in God,  have faith in the fact he has a plan for your life.  Just putting your life into God's hand will bring you great peace even when the hard times come !!  He Has a Plan for me and I know he has a plan for you too !!

In Christ, Sheri Drake